During this whole process we have been so blessed. I know there are people out there that don't believe in miracles or God or prayer but I do. And if I didn't before I certainly would have to now. It seems like help has always come at the exact time when I was ready to lose it. Here are just some of the miracles we've experienced.
*Poppie has slept amazingly well. Before Ace left I was up with her two or three (or four. . .) times a night. Almost immediately after Ace left Poppie started sleeping so much better. She usually goes to bed between 10-11 and on a bad day will wake up around 4:30 before sleeping again until 7 or 8. My boys never did that. She's even slept through the night a few times.
*I am someone who needs sleep. I can't function if I don't get enough sleep. Somehow I always wake up refreshed in the morning. This never happens. On the days that I do need a nap I am always able to stay awake and do everything I need to until I have time to sleep.
*When I have had to take all three kids to the store with me I haven't lost anyone. This is a HUGE accomplishment. I am almost always chasing after someone in the store. Mac has been listening so much better (even if only when in a store) and will stay where I can see him at all times. He almost always is holding on to the shopping cart and he hasn't tried to run away and hide from me.
*Mac and Romeo have slept in. Again, this never happens. They are up at 7:00 every morning, no exceptions. Right after Ace left they started sleeping in. Most days it was about 8:00. Some days it was as late as 9:00 or 9:30.
*I am someone who likes to rock her babies to sleep. I did it with my boys. I do it with Poppie. Since they don't have the ability to self-soothe until they are 6 months old it's special time I get to spend with them. With that being said, sometimes Poppie would take a while to calm down and go to sleep. On the days when I am completely exhausted and can't function any more Poppie chooses to fall asleep on her own. The next day we're back to me holding her.
*The boys have had absolutely no jealousy of Poppie. There haven't been fights for my attention (there have been plenty of fights, but not to get my attention). They don't act out when I'm feeding Poppie and I can't give them my undivided attention.
*Along with not having jealousy, my boys LOVE their sister. I was honestly terrified about how they would be with her. Mac and Romeo are the best of friends and worst of enemies. Most of the time it's the latter. Mac is anything but gentle with his brother. He has at times picked Romeo up around the waist just to turn around and drop him to the floor. Last night I had to take away all the bibs except for the two that are the exact same size and color so they would stop chasing each other around the house trying to get the one bib that the other one picked out first. It is not uncommon for Mac to ask Romeo, "Hey, do you want to play with this ninja," and when Romeo answers in the affirmative he's told, "Too bad, you can't. It's mine!" None of this has happened with their sister. They both adore Poppie. There are times when I'm trying to take care of Poppie and I can't because her big brothers are too busy smothering her with loves. They constantly are patting her on the head, kissing her, and calling her "Cutie Guhrul."
*I have experienced so much peace and contentment. I hate living apart from my husband but I am okay. I haven't always been happy but I have been content.
*I have grown so much closer to my family. There is a ten year age difference between one of my sisters and myself. Because of this we have never been close. We don't have issues with each other but we've always been in different stages of our lives. I feel as though we've gotten closer through all of this. She calls to check in with me and see how I'm doing. She asks what news I've heard from Ace. She tries to get together with me when her own children aren't sick. When we have been able to get together she's quick to ask if I want her to watch my children so I can run some errands on my own. When she found out I got a phone call from Ace she called me up to tell me how excited she was for me. I have talked to her more in the last seven weeks than at any other time. It's the same way with the rest of my family. I talk more to my siblings and my parents.
*Someone has always shown up at the exact moment when I've needed it. Our neighbors and friends from church have been great. I have two young women who are coming over once a week to watch my children for free. I went to a Relief Society activity and was exhausted from Poppie screaming at me. I walked in and someone jumped up and grabbed Poppie from me to give me a break. When Poppie and Romeo both fell asleep in Sacrament Meeting one day a friend grabbed Poppie from me and took her to class so I could hold Romeo until he woke up and was ready to go to his class. Someone from church just happened to double her recipe for dinner (everything. main course, jello, bread) and didn't know why. She was trying to think of someone to share it with and called me up to see if I was interested. Just as big a miracle, my boys actually ate it.
*I made it to my parents' house and back with all three children. That's a three hour drive each way. By myself.
*I am a recovering perfectionist. If I can't do something perfectly then I don't want to do it at all. I have tried so hard over the last year or more to give up this crippling habit. It has caused me to be down on myself and beat myself up over the simplest things. With Ace being gone, and with him my biggest support and best friend, things have become manageable. Things aren't easy, but I'm able to do what I need to do and to let the rest go. I don't stress about not doing things exactly how I want, exactly when I want. Things get done how and when they get done and I'm okay with that. I never would have been okay with that before.
*I was able to make travel arrangements to go see Ace for his graduation. We miraculously had a larger paycheck that month and I can afford to go. Our paycheck hasn't been that big since I bought and paid for my plane tickets, rental car, and hotel.
*I think the biggest miracle is that we've just plain made it this far.
